More to say about that....

I thought about adding it to the previous post but then just decided to do another one....

Over the last 2 months, a few people have asked, "Do you feel like a mom now?" And honestly, I guess I did in ways of course, but at the same time I didn't. and I would answer that question honestly saying...."I think I will when I hear her call me mom or say mama the first time".

Because that's really what I thought......but today, in that little room, when I heard that cry, all I wanted to do was have her in MY arms and for that nurse to get the H$%^ away from her! (seriously, I thought that! NO offense nurse, you were just doing your job..... just continuing with the honesty thing here). I wanted it to be over, I wanted to get out of there, I wanted her to be ok! (which yeah, I know she already was)

I've heard my girl cry (of course) but I had yet to hear that "I'm in pain" cry! and it was different and in reality, I know, I really do know that is was only a minor, couple second pain.....but in that moment, I felt it too! I felt her feelings along with my own it seemed.

and then when she was back in my arms and I was wiping those tears away, nursing and "shhhhiinnggg" her...

THAT is when I felt like a mama!

what the baby books DON'T tell you....

that moms also cry when the baby gets their first shots!!

cute girl in a white hat!

i love this girl so much!

letters to my daughter: Month 2

Dear Ellie,

Wow, today you are 2 months old! You are getting big girly! At your 6 week checkup you were 10lbs, 10oz so my guess is now you are around 11 lbs. You have also been changing everyday. Your eyes are still blue and our midwife thought maybe they will stay that way? We will see. You are following us around with those eyes now. I also love when you get a little startled and open them so wide, it is so cute. Also when you smile, as you are doing now, I think your eyes smile too!

You've been smiling since about 6 weeks I would say and your dad and I just can't get enough of it. We love to get you all excited and smiley by talking in silly high voices or tickling your chin and cheeks! It melts my heart in a way I've never experienced before you.

I think I've settled on the nickname I call you the most and I'm sorry to tell you girl, it's "Munch!" Not the cutest but it's just a short version of Munchkin and that just always rolls of my tongue! You are my little Munch! (Just reminding you again here of how much of a dork your mama is!)

I went back to work last week and last week was quite the adjustment.....not so much for you as it was for me I am sure. I miss you quite a bit for the 5 hours we're apart but you are in great hands with your Grandma Kathy. I know the both of you are having fun!

Thursday last week was also the beginning of a hard couple of days for us though as it seemed like you decided you no longer wanted to nurse from me and only would take a pumped bottle! It had me really worried/emotional/guilty/sad/freaked out/ that maybe our time nursing was over because I went back to work. After a few feedings of you refusing to nurse, I called a few of my great mama friends for some advice. The best piece of advice that came was to NOT give you a bottle and that you would eat from me eventually.....and let me tell you, 15 hours later when you finally nursed from me again, it made it all worth it! It was hard to hear your cry and have you be so frustrated and angry when I knew I had what you wanted all along but you wouldn't take it and several times I just wanted to give in and give you a bottle, but your Dad played a huge role in keeping me strong enough to hold out and we made it through!! I am so thankful!

We keep learning new things about you all the time and in your second month some more things I have learned are:

-that you love your bath but HATE getting out if it! You cry and cry when I take you out and am getting you dressed!
-you make a pretty great alarm clock, your fairly consistent as my 7:30 girl! I love this!
-you have discovered your hands and LOVE your fist! You seem to go to town on it at least once a day with a nice slurp-fest! It's so loud and cute!
-you love to use your leg muscles, pushing against us when your on our lap or "standing" up when we hold you like that

Something else that has become a part of our "routine" almost daily is walking! You and I try to take a walk every morning and sometimes another one in the evening with your dad. You mostly sleep through them but you are starting to be more awake for parts of them too and I love to see your little face peering out at the world! I wonder what those wide eyes are thinking?!

Ellie girl, you bring so much joy to my life. I can't even imagine life without you, dear girl.

I love you so much!

love,

mama

little letters & wow, this is my 100th post!

Dear minimiller blog,

I miss you! I have not forgotten you, I promise! It's just that we no longer have the Internet at home and I've also gone back to work.....excuses, excuses!

Dear all 2 readers of this little blog,

Don't give up on me! Just don't waste your time checking more than once a week, hopefully I can at least stick to that!

Dear Ellie's 2 month letter,

Hang in there! You're forming in my heart and head all the time and I hope to get you written sometime this week! If I'm going by the day of the month, she's not even 2 months until.....tomorrow! Tomorrow!! Yikes, I was still thinking I had a few more days! How did today get to be the 20th already!

Dear Ellie-girl,

You are amazing! We had a rough weekend with re-learning how to nurse all over again (and I'll blog about it......eventually!) but we made it through and we are both stronger for it! I love you sooooo much my sweet girl! You truly do light up my life!

love,

mama miller

We REALLY miss Noel!!

Ellie picked out a special shirt to wear today! In hopes she'll get to Skype with her Auntie!

Ellie meets the "Easter Bunny"

I think I was more excited about it then she was :)

2 words

grandpa time

(and that's my dad's PROUD look on his face! awwww!)