Ok, here's where I mean business! I am trying to be patient, I really am.....but girly, this is hard! I am not going to lie, I cried a little this morning as I sat in the rocking chair, in your nursery, that is all ready to go for you. But then as soon as your dad called you a "turd" from the other room, I found myself getting defensive over you! Reminding both of us out loud, that you will come when you're ready. We have both been countering each others comments of impatience with comments of reassurance all week long! I am so thankful that your dad and I are a team in this!
Truly, every minute is a flip flop in my head of being ok that you haven't come yet, to being desperate for you to show up! Honestly, a big part of it is because I have been dreaming of and preparing for your birth for months now and I really want it to be natural, and not induced. With each day that passes, I fear that we are getting away from that....but the Lord and others, gently remind me to just TRUST!
Like I have said in earlier letters, I know you will teach me A LOT in our life together and that is already happening in this special time of it's own. And I need to remember that these last days and hours are so special and just to soak them up!
So here's where I switch tunes in my letter, to focus on the special moments. Just writing my true feelings down above already has lightened my heart! I am thankful for the special moments I had with your dad last night. Joking and laughing the whole way on our walk to Safeway, it just felt so good. Having him ask me all evening long as we laid on the couch, if I was "doing alright?" with every position change I made. Teasing me again for going into your room and turning on your lamp, just because I like the way it looks on and I could see it from the couch! oh and the creative ways we tried to get you come..... (you'll know what I mean one day!)
Today, I am going to try hard to just let go of all my "what if's and whens" and just be in the moment. You will come in the right time, I know this girly. I choose to trust this and trust God.
I love you little one! You are SO worth the wait!
love,
mama
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