cute shades!

i could be a millionaire?

If I create and patent the "MOM BIB".....what do you think? I sure could use one these days!

(Notice the darker part of the entire neckline of my shirt!)

i know you'll like this picture Mom/Grandma!

I made Matt take our picture since we matched!

Us both wearing yellow counts as matching, right?!?

letters to my daughter: Week 4 aka 1 month!

Dear Ellie,

Wow, has it really been a whole month since I first held you in my arms! Like everyone said, time is sure going fast. I only have 3 weeks left of maternity leave and that is another thing I wish would slow down. Though I am so thankful to just work part time and not be gone from you too much!

This last week was challenging for both me and your daddy. You had a couple rough early mornings and it really stretched us for sure. We (your Dad and I) found ourselves not being the nicest to each other in those stressful moments but we also were able to later talk calmly and tell each other what we need in those situations for the future.

Girly, communication is huge in marriage and though marriage is so far off for you, I hope one day as you read this you will encouraged in your own life that even when things are tough and hard, marriage provides you a teammate to work through everything with. It really is a gift.

This week we laid low, well more than the previous weeks. We did go hang out with your future buddies Carter, Jameson, and Lily. It was nice to just chat with the other mamas and also laugh about the size of Jameson compared to you and Carter. To be fair, he is 4+ months older than you two.

Your daddy and I continue to take you on lots of walks around the neighborhood. Walking is a huge thing for us and we will most likely do it most nights all spring and summer. It will be fun to watch you as the years go on as you go from being carried or "strolled" by us (yes, just invented that word!) to seeing you take your own steps and then eventually I'm sure want to ride your bike. We are so excited for all that is to come and for what each new day brings.

I love you so much girly, during the hard times and the great ones. Through it all, forever!

love,

mama

*** Unfortunately, these letters are going to have to become monthly letters. In the interest of our new budget and having to pay taxes this year!! We are cutting out internet and cable. Blog posts may not be as frequent either, which saddens me, but I do have a beautiful journal that was a gift for Ellie, that I plan to continue to write to her in as well. I will continue to update when I can for sure!***

Baby wearing

Ellie and I went to visit her Aunt Grace, Uncle Zach and Grandma Robin this week. Grace and I both decided to "wear" our Ellie's. Yup, Gracie's baby is named Ellie too! How sweet is she!

making another tradition

Annual pictures with the cherry blossoms!

Next year she have the head support she needs for a proper picture!

confession

i got mad at my daughter this morning......mad as in crying tears in frustration and being a little "freaking out" upset.

i got mad at my husband too, so that certainly didn't help the situation.

I had fed her at 4:30 am and brought her back to bed but she just wasn't falling back asleep as she normally has been. Matt generously offered to get up with her (I wasn't mad at him yet!) so I could sleep some more. It was about 5:30 at this time. Around 6:30 he brought her back to me, saying he thought she was hungry again.

So to the couch we returned and then it all went downhill from there. i just couldn't get her to latch on, she got more and more hysterical and shed more and more tears too. Cried and screamed the kind of sounds that pierce your heart but also if I'm being honest make you a little mad and frustrated since you know she simply needs to just close her little lips and suck. She's right there and fighting so hard against what she seems to want so desperately.

And then there was Matt, hearing her like that, and I know wanting desperately to help her and me, but basically saying all the wrong things or the ones I just didn't need to hear right then, so I pushed Matt away and told him to just leave me alone. We weren't very nice to each other and he did end up just leaving me alone and returning to bed (but honestly it was what I needed). I kept trying and trying but then I gave up, maybe she just wasn't hungry. It had after all been only 2 hours since she had last eaten and at night or early early morning, she usually goes 4-6. So like I said I gave up. Then I did the only thing I could think to do and maybe get right.

I brought that sweet, hysterical, precious, poor babe to my shoulder and snuggled her into my neck they way she likes (the way I think she likes) and rocked, rocked until she quieted (within in a couple seconds) and rocked until we both slumped down together on the couch and fell fast into a deep hard sleep.

Maybe that was all we both needed, to just BE together, cry together, and rest.....together.

the baby whisperer AKA the baby bjorn

We hadn't even made it off the front porch to go on a walk and this little lady was out! We enjoyed a nice walk down town and back. Spring is "springing" up all around.

I don't think she moved at all the whole time. I love that little "o" of her lips!

letters to my daughter: Week 3

Dear Ellie June,

Week 3 of your life was such a great week! Your Grandma Lida came to visit! We had a lot of fun just hanging out and running errands with her. She loves you to pieces, she must have taken at least 150 pictures of you. It was so nice to have her help and just so sweet to watch her with you. Your grandma loves you so much!

This past week you began to stay awake for longer periods of time and it seems like you are starting to focus more. I can't believe how much different you already look from just 3 weeks ago.

Something you've been doing this week that just melts my heart is grabbing on to one of my fingers when you are nursing, I love it!

Speaking of nursing, a funny little story this week was when I was feeding you and your Auntie Grace (she's 3 right now) was with me, she kept saying that your head was going to fill up with milk! I explained to her about how it goes in your tummy, but it was so cute to see how she thought the process worked. I love the innocence and sweetness of a child, I can't wait to hear the things you come up with like that.

We all sent your Auntie Noel off this weekend to Australia, then Mexico City for her YWAM DTS. We will miss her so much and you will be about 7 months old when she gets home. She is such a special lady and I know she will teach you a lot when you get older. She's your mama's best friend!

Girly, we love you so much! More every day! My heart is so full!

love,

mama

Ellie's Birth Story

So about 5:00 pm on Saturday, the 20th, we headed off to the Bella Vie. I loved the fact that when we got there, we simply just went into the room and got comfortable. No forms to fill out, no hospital gown to put on, no IV's to get stuck with, no monitors to get strapped on. The room was beautiful and cozy, with a huge tub in a pretty bathroom. It even had a chandelier over it! I hung out on the bed some and also in the bathroom as well. Deseree our midwife suggested to keep using the breast pump. So we continued that and by about 7:00 contractions were very consistent. Each position change I would make would bring on a contraction and they were pretty much right on top of each other. I did throw up a few times and my poor husband had to clean it up the one time I didn't quite make it to the toiled! I used my hypnobabies breathing through every contraction and just focused through them. Matt would stay near me and at most times would put his hand on my back or shoulder to reassure me and help me focus. It was pretty much just us alone in the room the whole time, but one of the midwives would come in about every 1/2 hour and listen to Ellie with the doppler to make sure she was doing good.

About 10:30 I got in the tub! It was amazing!!! That was also about the time that my step mom Robin showed up to be there as well. I think I spent about 2 hours in the tub but I'm not totally sure. I loved just floating and relaxing in the hot water. It felt so good. The pressure of the contractions didn't lessen but the whole time they were never painful, I truly just felt pressure. I definitely credit that to the Hypnobabies program. While I was also in the tub, I listened to my birth mix which had a combination of favorite worship songs and special songs to Matt and I. I was sorta hungry, since I had thrown up! and they brought me cheese and crackers and Recharge (a sort of healthy gatorade). Unfortunately, I couldn't really eat since the contractions were still right on top of one another but I loved the Recharge since it was sweet! It reminded me of Hawaiian Punch!

So after those few hours in the tub, I was beginning to get a little curious about where I was at dilation wise and ready for a little change, so I got out and took advantage of moving around the room a bit. I mostly laid on the bed, but also leaned over it, leaned up against the post of the bed (it was a 4 poster bed), walked around a tiny bit and sat on the toilet quite a bit too. I also threw up some more but was encouraged by my midwife that was a good sign! The midwives also suggested walking around the birth center a little bit or even going up the stairs, but I only made it from one side of the bed to the other! Stairs, yeah right!! Like I said before, every single position change seemed to bring on another contraction. When they checked me, I was at 7 cm (and that was the last check I got).

I think about 3:30ish I decided I was ready to get back in the tub. I felt like things were getting closer. When I did get back in the tub, the contractions seemed to change, they were lower in my belly and seemed to be not as intense (for a little while). They also became shorter and with longer breaks in between them. I actually fell asleep in between some of them. Then they were feeling more pushy and could tell my body was beginning to open. At times I would say to myself or out loud "open, open" or "release". (More hypnobabies training). Then for the last hour? (Time was truly relative at that point) The last hour-ish I got vocal, very vocal! "Aaahing and O-ing" through the contractions. I don't know if that would have been considered the "transition" part of my labor, but never did I have that feeling of wanting to give up, or being desperate for relief or feeling like I wanted pain medication or an epidural (looking back those thoughts NEVER entered my mind) I stayed focused and felt confident that even thought it was definitely not an easy thing, I could do it. I stayed confident and felt strong. I surrendered to everything I was feeling because I knew my body was doing the work it was supposed to. The being vocal part sure didn't hurt that either! I was LOUD! (Though my husband says I wasn't that loud, so maybe it just felt that way)

Then it was finally pushing time and I could tell! My "Ohh's and Ahh's" started to get a little higher pitched and I could feel major pressure on my butt, like that constipated pooping feeling. I was sitting "spread eagle" in the tub and Matt and the midwives both told me that things were progressing to the point that now it really was close. I could feel it too! By that time (maybe just about 5:00am) I started to feel a different kind of pushy-ness so I began to do just that. I could feel her head come out some and go back in. I knew this and the water was helping to slowly stretch me and (hopefully) prevent tearing so I just went with it. I experience the "ring of fire" recognizing it and just going with it, knowing it was sooo close at that point! So then by that 5th or 6th push, I knew I had to "hold" her there, take another breath, and push her the rest of the way out!

Her head came all the way out and since my water NEVER broke, my midwife opened the sac with her finger and then had Matt put his hands down to her to help lift her out. We both lifted her out and up to my chest. It was amazing. She was calm and alert. After a few seconds she cried out just a little as she took that first big breath. It was so beautiful! She was very clean since she had been in the caul, and her hands and feet were so wrinkly for being 3 weeks late.

The placenta came out about 10 minutes later and with in about another 10 minutes we got out of the tub and moved to the bed. She was born at 5:34 AM and I don't think they cut the cord until about at least 8:00am. In fact, she was never taken out of our arms until they weighed her (7lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long) which was about that same time. Matt had her on his chest, skin to skin while they checked me out and made sure I was taken care of. I had no significant tears, just a few abrasions that didn't even warrant having one stitch the midwife informed me. I think that had a lot to do with the combination of being in the water and letting her crown and go back in those few times, to slowly stretch me.

We then just got to rest in bed and they brought us a wonderful breakfast in bed of bacon, eggs, toast, and orange juice! It was a beautiful day and the light just streamed through the window landing on my beautiful new family as I held Ellie in my arms and Matt rested next to me! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birth!

the kind of thing only a mother would blog....

Her new trick: blowing out the FRONT of her diaper! How is that even possible?

She may not have pooped in those 3 weeks of lateness still being in utero but she sure is earning that "poop baby" nickname these days!

We love our "poop baby!"

(Speaking of poop.....it took me about 45 minutes to notice I had a little parting gift all over my hand after yesterdays blowout! Almost makes me wish it smelled a little more so I would be aware of it sooner.....

just waiting for the day it makes it into my hair or on my face and I don't realize it!)

Mission: master that dang "hooter hider!"

or get very comfortable breastfeeding in public WITHOUT a cover!!

It would seem the girl pretty much loathes having her head covered when she eats and after hearing her cry that "frustrated P.O'd at the world" cry today (now for the 2nd time whilst trying to use the H.H.) I am almost, ALMOST willing to just go for it.....

This coming from the girl (me) who wouldn't even change in the locker room in school growing up because she was so modest.....

Apparently that's changing, since I have now also blogged about my boobies!

Yes, I just went there!

Keeping it real Internet friends, just keeping real!

(she is SO worth it!)

Letters to my daughter: Week 2

Dear Ellie girl,

I can't believe you've already been here for 2 weeks! At the same time, it feels in a way like you've been a part of our lives forever, as I can't really imagine life without you or before you. Of course, I remember it, but you are just such a perfect fit with us and it feels like you've been here all along in a sense. I guess this will only make sense to you one day when you have your own kids.

This week has been another week of learning all about you and anticipating your needs. You are nursing so well and sleeping really good too. Your daddy and I sure aren't taking that for granted and feel very blessed. At your 1 week appointment which was on Monday, the midwife just "oohh and ahhd" over you! She said you were doing great! You weighed in at just over 8 lbs now.

This week we got out and about quite a bit and I've learned that you love to be in the baby carrier. I love carrying you in it as well. I need to remember to share you with your dad, I don't think I've let him be the one to "wear" you yet! We (the 3 of us) also went on our first road trip up to Tacoma, WA to buy a car for your daddy. You did amazing in the car, sleeping the whole way up there and MOST of the way back ;) We stopped in Portland at the Antique Expo on the way back, where we learned pretty quickly that if we're not going to carry the diaper bag in somewhere with us, we better at least bring the pacifier! Your dad was very sweet to literally run back to the car we had parked like a 1/2 mile away to get it. Lesson in parenting #698 that makes it I think!

Tomorrow your Grandma Lida (my mom) comes and I know she is very very excited to meet you! It will be a fun week for us girls to hang out. Her and your Auntie Noel will both be staying with us for the week.

Girly, I love you so so much. I love to stare at you as you sleep or even are awake and just watch your expressions change. I love it when you raise your eyebrows or when your mouth forms into that perfect little "O", or when you stretch your neck and your daddy and I call you Turtle!

You are amazing, my sweet girl!

love,

mama

a few pics...

First Bath!

After the bath, snuggled in her towel and getting a kiss from mama

"This is how I roll.......I mean Sleep!" (she loves to have her hands at her face!)

Eyes OPEN!!

I love my girl!

Letters to my daughter: Week 1

Dear baby girl,

The first week with you has been nothing short of wonderful, beautiful and amazing. Your daddy and I just keep saying over and over how blessed and lucky we are. We can stare at you for hours and with each snuggle-fest we fall more in love.

You were born on Sunday morning, the 21st and enjoyed the first 2 1/2 days of your life resting at the Birth Center. We were beyond spoiled with great care, yummy food, and a beautiful environment. Our postpartum midwives Tina, Crystal and Valerie were there to help us out and answer all our questions. You also had quite a few visitors: Noel, my dad and Robin, Zach and Grace, Lynn and Vallie, Grandma Kathy, Jenney, and Garrett, Jami, Michael and Claudine, Lani and Amir, and Kari and Des. You are a very popular little lady!

We came home on Tuesday afternoon and just took turns holding you as you laid on our chests. You are the perfect fit! Your daddy also was so great to get everything all squared away and pick up the house. It was cute. He told me it sure made him appreciate how much I do around the house and also he can see how hard it could be to take care of the household stuff and kids at the same time. He then made me our first dinner at home, which I must say was the best grilled cheese and tomato soup I ever had!

The next few days we just took it super easy, we had a few visitors and also meals brought to us from your Grandma Kathy and Auntie Jenney as well as friends from church. Everyone told us how cute and tiny you are and that you look like your daddy!

Saturday was our first adventure out and about as a family of 3. We just went to Target and got some essentials, like more diapers and wipes since have gone through those very quickly!

One of my favorite memories from the week had to have been on Sunday morning when your dad and I were co-diaper changing you (it's all about teamwork!) and as he was trying to get the baby powder open, it exploded everywhere! Getting all over you and everything! He was quite surprised by it and just could not stop laughing! I am sure we will have more messy moments then we can't even keep count of as the days go on!

The other hot topic of the week, which we discussed and slightly obsessed about at every diaper change was your umbilical cord....it was pretty stinky and we were worried maybe it was not doing so well. We debated all through out each day and went back and forth on what we should do. It finally fell off on Sunday morning and we felt so relieved! Just another thing on the list of many to come that we will be overly concerned and worried about when we most likely don't need to be. It's amazing what being a parent brings out in you. I am so thankful though for every moment! You are a such a precious thing to us and we just care so much about you.

We took you to church on Sunday and you were quite the attraction there as well. I can't really say I heard much of the service because I was so distracted by checking on you constantly! We are so glad you are finally here.

We have taken to calling you Turtle now because when you lay on our chests, you have your moments when your stretch your neck and you look just like little turtle peeking out of your shell and checking the world out.

There is so much more I could say about our first week with you, I could go on and on, I will simply end with this though..............you are AMAZING sweet girl. We are so glad you have come into our lives and we will love you forever!

love,

mama