Saturday, March 20, 2010


i got mad at my daughter this morning......mad as in crying tears in frustration and being a little "freaking out" upset.

i got mad at my husband too, so that certainly didn't help the situation.

I had fed her at 4:30 am and brought her back to bed but she just wasn't falling back asleep as she normally has been. Matt generously offered to get up with her (I wasn't mad at him yet!) so I could sleep some more. It was about 5:30 at this time. Around 6:30 he brought her back to me, saying he thought she was hungry again.

So to the couch we returned and then it all went downhill from there. i just couldn't get her to latch on, she got more and more hysterical and shed more and more tears too. Cried and screamed the kind of sounds that pierce your heart but also if I'm being honest make you a little mad and frustrated since you know she simply needs to just close her little lips and suck. She's right there and fighting so hard against what she seems to want so desperately.

And then there was Matt, hearing her like that, and I know wanting desperately to help her and me, but basically saying all the wrong things or the ones I just didn't need to hear right then, so I pushed Matt away and told him to just leave me alone. We weren't very nice to each other and he did end up just leaving me alone and returning to bed (but honestly it was what I needed). I kept trying and trying but then I gave up, maybe she just wasn't hungry. It had after all been only 2 hours since she had last eaten and at night or early early morning, she usually goes 4-6. So like I said I gave up. Then I did the only thing I could think to do and maybe get right.

I brought that sweet, hysterical, precious, poor babe to my shoulder and snuggled her into my neck they way she likes (the way I think she likes) and rocked, rocked until she quieted (within in a couple seconds) and rocked until we both slumped down together on the couch and fell fast into a deep hard sleep.

Maybe that was all we both needed, to just BE together, cry together, and rest.....together.


  1. Mad at your baby? Totally normal.

    Keep up the good work,mama.

    Call if you need me.

  2. I am very thankful for your post about this one! It is great to know I am not the only one that has had a moment like that. I even had the "lose it with my husband" moment too. I love knowing I am not alone in my different "mommy" experiences.

  3. wonderfully honest post....the kind that make you feel like you aren't the only one...and we all need that. blessings to you sweet hollie:)